sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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