im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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