i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
