White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
