I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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