I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
