margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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