doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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