I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
