he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
