i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
