Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
