Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
