Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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