Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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