just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
