I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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