I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
