I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
So gin and wine won't be happening again
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
