dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize