so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
