You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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