that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
