So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
you had me at cake vodka
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
