he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
the raccoons are back...
Randomize