I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
