He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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