So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
