i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
