How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
