The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm going to jail i love you
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
