Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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