I have demons in me.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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