That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
