If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
