what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
