i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
