OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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