is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
