you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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