Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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