also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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