I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
