Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
