Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
