Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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