Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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