I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
