Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize