Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
