After last night, I could never be a politician.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i believe in u and ur pee
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