Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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