I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
