I think i sorta joined a cult last night
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
