I haven't been this sober since birth.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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