Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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