NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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