i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
