I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i wish my penis had a tongue
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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