Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
there's paper in my vomit.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
