I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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