You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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