And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
