just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize