I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
