Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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