i can't believe i had my finger in that
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
