Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
BRING THE BAGELS
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
