i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
