My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
