his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
