Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
