Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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