either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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