Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
