i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
