so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
