Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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