I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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