I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
