there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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