I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
