Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
