He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
