Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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